Please Share With The Ally In Your Household

A few weeks ago, I posted What is the Role of Allies? (Part I), wherein I proposed that Allies who are only mentors are coming up short. Continued economic expansion requires that Allies actively identify and recruit more women into senior leadership because, in a world that is increasingly older and female, women’s wisdom and identification with the consumer population is essential for growth. (Never mind that in a decade or two we will control most of the money.) I even recommended that Allies bonus themselves on a gender parity metric, so they can pat themselves on the back.   

Today I’m suggesting something much more difficult: The role of Allies isn’t just to create opportunity and open previously closed networks to women’s advancement. Rather, it is to “take out the trash.”

Time and again, women have experienced the slap in the face of the absolute limits of an Ally’s support:  failure to call out their own gender for unacceptable behavior. There are many powerful men who count on their financial power and performance to insulate them from the consequences of their misogyny.  And they get away with it because “the good guys” stay silent.

This is how the Jeffrey Epsteins of the world operate, and there are plenty of people who have always known what they do and who they are. But those people—the enablers—are so addicted to the Epstein’s (et. al.) money (Epstein made huge donations to The Clinton Foundation, The Gates Foundation, MIT’s AI Lab) that they look the other way.   

It’s called reputation laundering. A great example is Rupert Mannion, the former AFC Richmond owner in Ted Lasso who lost the team to his ex-wife, Rebecca Welton, in their divorce settlement. These men are generous beyond measure.  And they can’t fail at philanthropy, which makes it even sweeter … for them.

They risk nothing.

For women, even women with clear legal standing, it’s a traumatic blow and very risky. Complainants of harassment, professional or sexual, suffer reputational risk. And federal law notwithstanding, prosecutors must determine if a case is “winnable” before filing a criminal charge.  

Ask yourself why was Harvey Weinstein’s reputation not challenged by men? The only conclusion we can draw is that men benefited from their silence. Women frequently do not report harassment because the reputational damage of doing so is horrific. That they would subject themselves to the backlash over a false claim is laughable. Yet, our society continues to blame the victim.

Ironically, there’s plenty of data to show that work cultures encouraging the good guys to stay silent are toxic to men as well. According to Catalyst data, environments with narrow leadership traits promote “masculine anxiety.” Masculine anxiety, in turn, increases the likelihood of men’s intent to do nothing in response to sexism, increases combative culture, and perpetuates a climate of futility.

More than once I’ve heard that “it’s not men’s job to fix male management.” But if it’s not men’s job, whose is it? If we agree that management is mostly men—and Allies say we want women in organizations because it’s essential for economic growth—tell me whose DAMN job it is? (Clearly, I’m still smarting from the memory of someone who said, “I’d go to bat for you, but it would be the end of my career” knowing that I would not ask that of him even though the threat to his career was not remotely true.)

Even my husband, Eagle Scout Colonel Fred, is not immune. And he’s going to be angry when he reads this. (Actually, he’s already angry because I gave him a copy of the draft.) He told me a story of a female OSHA safety monitor being harassed at a paper mill where Fred was contracted to install equipment.  Good guy that he is, he asked the woman if she was bothered, did she have it under control, and was she able to do her job? She responded in the affirmative, and he left her to it but kept an eye on her throughout the shift for signs of trouble. 

When he told me the story, I sensed he was seeking praise for being a defender of professional behavior toward women in the workplace. I gave him his “Attaboy!” and asked him what he told the guy who was harassing the OSHA safety monitor. Fred said he didn’t think it was his job to call out the guy, so he didn’t do anything.

The rest of the conversation did not go well.

In the good news department, now he knows better. And now you do too. Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. When you know better, do better.” As Allies, we need you to value your Allyship more than you value your membership in the “boys’ club.” The role of real Allies is to take out the trash. Do it or don’t. But remember that if you don’t, the stench will eventually make its way to your clothing too.

Having worked these two posts out of my system, I’ll stand down on this (for now, anyway). After all, for 40-plus years the same people I’m calling out have also been my mentors and sponsors. They may be conflicted, but they’ve helped me enjoy multiple, wonderful careers because my talents were undeniable (and they could take the credit). Still, I remain grateful for each of those opportunities.  #WeRescueOurselves

Reading:  Catalyst, “Negative Organizational Climates are Powerful Barriers to Interrupting Sexism” https://www.catalyst.org/research/workplace-sexism-climates/

Copyright Madrina Molly, LLC 2024

The information contained herein and shared by Madrina Molly™ constitutes financial education and not investment or financial advice.

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